Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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