I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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