Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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