dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
