Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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