Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize