Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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