Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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