Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
