I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
