Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
