3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He has the fingertips of a God
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