I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
