she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
