So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize