We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
