walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
