508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
