just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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