She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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