these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You pole danced in your parka.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize