I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
