Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just had sex on a roof
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
