I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
