i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
