I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
