I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
