how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
