This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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