and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
