i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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