I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
