Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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