I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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