this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
