omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
