Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My bed smells like the plague
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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