I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
