I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
