Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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