whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
