Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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