you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
