Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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