i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize