What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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