I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
