I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
