oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
