someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
