just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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