OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
