I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
