A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There's always time for handjobs
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
