Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
