I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
What drink are we having for lunch?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
