you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
