I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
