I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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