office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
