my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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