Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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