I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
me + whiskey = a bad person
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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