yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
