she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
