so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
