I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
