I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
