So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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