Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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