The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
