Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
